Wednesday, October 27, 2010

It's time to face the music.

This morning I woke up puzzled. All night I tossed and turned, and I can't blame it all on Hailey this time. (Even though she was sleeping next to me and kicking me in the back on a regular basis). For the first time, I dreamed about the wedding. It was really odd that I would dream about this now, after we decided that it's officially not happening. I wonder if my subconscious is trying to tell me something. In the dream, everything was going wrong... my future florist forgot the flowers, my future bridesmaids wore the wrong colors, my future husband saw me in my dress before the big parade down the aisle. Maybe it's my minds way of telling me that it's going to be okay that we aren't getting married. Not everyone fits into the traditional family and I have never been a traditional type of girl. So why do I even care if we aren't getting married and we have a daughter? Probably because of the constant social pressures, but I've never been one to crack under the pressure, so why start now? I am so satisfied with my life as a mommy, and I don't need a ring on my finger to feel secure about who I am. (Although I do miss its shiny reflections on a sunny day when I'm driving, and twirling it around my finger when I'm bored). So, after this dream I decided to officially inform vendors, bridal party, etc. of our decision to call off the wedding. It's a little embarrassing, but it has to happen. Life will go on and Hailey will be unaffected which is all that matters.
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3 comments:

  1. Cori GentryOctober 27, 2010 at 1:01 PM

    Ok... way to open with a bang. A. (hug) B. What happened?

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  2. Amanda MicheleOctober 27, 2010 at 2:29 PM

    A. Thank you. It's funny because I have gotten that a lot since people started reading my blog, but I don't feel like it is really neccessary. I'm not now and I wasn't at the time, sad. I feel...Maybe Jaded?
    B. We just can't seem to merge our lives into one. We both REALLY love each other but issues keep coming up that we can't seem to fix. All we know is 1. We love each other. 2. We aren't happy with the way things are going in our relationship. 3. We don't know how to fix them. and 4. Spending all of our friends and families time and money on a wedding seems so silly when we can't figure things out.

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  3. Cori GentryNovember 1, 2010 at 10:37 PM

    Ok I'm glad you are ok, and honestly, I'm not really a hugger so that was a little fake of me anyway.

    So I don't sling bullshit around to make people feel better. If I thought you were being stupid I'd say it (it makes me a lot of friends... no... not really) but this is such a mature decision. I almost called off my first wedding 2 weeks before but couldn't imagine dealing with telling everyone, undoing plans... etc. Nothing big happened, I could just see that we were not going to live together well (oh and I was so right) but I didn't have the guts to do anything about it. You are very strong to make such a hard decision, especially since our lives are online now and so public and open to judgment. And Hailey has two people in her life that love her, that's all that matters.

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